Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that guy"? And I just want to get my paycheck and go home. Privacy Policy. Your a cashier right? Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. That may not have occurred to you, but like I say, "men doing our usual" doesn't create any safety or empowerment. Communicating that it's no big deal if she says no shows confidence, and also shows that you haven't been writing romantic poetry thinking about her for the last six months while you have no idea who she is (creepy-creepy) rather you're just interested in getting to know her and have a drink. WebYour a cashier right? To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. If youd like to try that, heres my number; otherwise, Im happy just to encounter you as an awesome barista/whatever.. Its a very weird situation and I agree with you that I need to speak with him outside of work in order to figure out whats going on. In this case, the crush could have ignored it. Flirting doesnt bother me as long as the conversation doesnt get gross or rude. Dont put him on the spot by forcing him to balance customer service with a romantic overture its unfair to him. That context is something that men need to be aware of when deciding its ok to flirt with a woman in a particular situation-which I think is what you were getting at. But its not an ideal world and sexual entitlement doesnt always come in obvious, high pressure, sexually explicit packages. Can you try something more neutral, like inviting him out to hang out with you and a group of friends? I hated being asked out when I worked retail because it was awkward and there was never anywhere I could escape to after I said no. So I guess its possible for these things to work out. In your case, if she declines, you must never mention it again and pretend like it never happened. But the guys who were polite and made a no pressure suggestion to grab coffee or see a movie sometime or whatever, were not doing anything wrong. Assuming you have written your number in that note, she will text/call you if she is interested, otherwise you should not try to do anything more. That doesnt mean that I feel the same way having crude comments shouted at me on the street. The world is as creepy as its always been, but women have been learning to push back against some of the crap that society heaps on them as a punishment for merely existing and being female. Get her a card to leave with her - write something sincere in it - like hey, I dont want to make it weird and ask you out at work, but you have a really pretty smile AH this reminds me of when I went out to brunch with a friend and she picked the restaurant and as we were walking up to the door she turned to me and said, Well, I cant promise I wont ask out our waiter before the end of the meal! It turns out she was a regular at this place and had a huge thing for a waiter. Didnt Jen have an awkward flirtation with this barista at a coffee shop? But STILL. Start with neutral topics (the weather is an evergreen) and see what her response is. In the last few years, Ive had men ask me out, and although flattering, theyre usually significantly older than me (40s and 50s even) and it puts me in a very awkward position of turning them down. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? I hope this helps. 2. Fair chance you'll get a "Oh, I'll put it up for you" or "We don't have one, but I'll put it in the staff break room". She declined, and he drove by her as she was walking to the bus stop and rolled down his window and asked her again if she wanted a ride. And a lot of the general public gets that mixed up with actual proper social interactions, where both parties can leave the conversation any time they want. In Ohio, we have drive-thrus where you can literally drive through and buy beer, cigarettes, pop, etc. IMO, it is always 100% creepy to ask out a server/service employee waiting on you, period. I do know that she had been coming in once or twice a week for months before anyone made a move, and I know they had been chatting a lot more than your average employee and customer would chat (to the point that I wonder how he wasnt reprimanded for not doing his work). Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. WebTalk about what you're going to make with your items. The guy was CLEARLY crushing on her, he was like he forgot something at the store so he came back, and proceeded to just chat further and she was smiling and just allowed herself to be responsive. Many of the people who perpetrate this type of thing wholeheartedly believe that theyre having a fun, reciprocal conversation while the target is thinking, oh my god, Im not allowed to stop being nice to this person but ewwwwwww.. I think, for women especially, there is also the matter of fatigue. I did it once. I think as long as its very very casual (coffee date, maybe a museum) and said with a cheerful smile (and maybe a no pressure, I dont want to put you on the spot thrown in there) theres no real harm. OMG yes. I waited tables for a very long time. Because to answer the question, there are plenty of opportunities to meet people in the real world that dont rely on one person having to be nice to the other for the sake of their job. Try to give them lots of room to reject your offer without feeling pressured to say yes. Try it if you meet somewhere else. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. If you call someone up out of the blue and she never even talked to you she wont know if you are some complete psychopath and will be very concerned that someone is watching her without her being aware of it. Youre just engaging through a different means of communication rather than face to face. My suggestion is to not overthink this or make it overly complicated. The player must time their shot accurately, mix in the right, To get the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, purchase the Arcane Expansion Pack (DLC) from the Xbox Marketplace. Cookie Notice I was a bartender for many years and the worst thing about my job was the endless flirting and customers asking me out on dates. I also had people hang around the cash register after I had finished ringing them up try to continue to talk to me. We always flirted, he always asked me about what was going on in my life, on and on. Try to keep your same happy attitude towards her whatever the result. Result: He emailed me that night, and we struck up a friendship, but never dated. (Not that youre Lisa, OP, just that its a humorous musical way of showing how two folks interpreted the same interaction!). One of the worst parts of retail was being trapped into conversations with these men over and over and not being able to walk away. Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. I came here to say exactly what fposte said. I object to singling out women. This is not a hook up sub The only thing that the job requires is that the worker to be nice to their customer (most of the times). I once stayed at a youth hostel, the day after I checked out I ran into one of their employees on a bus, 200 km from the hostel. Id rather meet people doing things Im interested in or through other friends. Please dont hit on the poor schmuck who has to be nice to you or get fired. I think Aaron indicated clearly that being flattered is tied specifically to an appropriate non-creepy invitation; he didnt suggest that any type of behavior is flattering as long as theres romantic interest. Usually I prefer directness but this might get awkward if you go there often plus retail employees get hit on a lot. He gave me his number and I called him to make plans. If you get declined, however rudely, don't go complaining. in advance, prepare a little note and state to her what you have stated to us. would be totally normal and appropriate. The whole youre great, I want to get to know you, total stranger I buy my latte from is understood by 98% of the population as I want to date you, which is, to 98% of the population, implying sexual interest at some point (and the asexuals I know make it upfront that theyre NOT after a sexual thing). There is a certain expectation put on the retail worker to always be polite, to be friendly, and to be helpful. If you naturally pass by there, it may be OK to stop for chit-chat. My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. But if he were really, really interested in the girl, might he not go to those places hoping to run into her? She thought they got along OK and that he seemed interested, but he never asked her out. You could either leave her your phone number and tell her to say hi sometime (and I stress that you leave her your number and do not ask her for hers) or you could be a I did this once as the employee asking out a customer (there was no rule against it), and he said You should know I have a girlfriend. Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? To avoid this, try word-smithing your phrases carefully so that it does not sound too formal or robotic. You could do it this way; One thing you could do, since you go often to that store, is: start building a basic "relationship" with the cashier . What do you think about customers asking you out? By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. Theres a lot of baggage (no pun intended) with singling out Women For Special Protection. Thanks msbadbar, I loved your story, especially about your dad! concert). To make things fun between both of you, suggest interesting date spots or events that neither of you may have experienced before such as an outdoor picnic or exploring an undiscovered corner of your city! If you ever want a tutorial in why this is a Very Bad Idea, go ahead and read the Craigslist Missed Encounters section, particularly the men-for-women. She thought he was attractive and they got on well. Sometimes its just part of the job. I still think its creepy to approach the crush him/herself, when theyre obligated to be nice to you. A response that is far more common than a many guys seem to think. Martial arts class. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. The key difference was that he had been coming into my bookstore for at least 6 months and chit-chatting with me about stuff, usually books but other things as well, before asking me out. Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. If you ask her as you are going through the checkout say "hi, how are you doing?" Poor, oblivious Husband. Or some other thing where you set out an opportunity to see you, an easy one, and see if he takes it. That fact can confuse the romantic, so special handling is required. He just seems interested. Re 2, though, if you dont know them, surely it is ONLY sexual? Enjoy your time together but make sure that you maintain boundaries; this will help create an enjoyable experience for both parties involved! Super cute girl at a gas station I go to a lot. You want to court her. Personally, Ive never really liked turning people down in any setting, probably because of my conditioning as a woman in this society, and it just gets weirder and more awkward when Im in customer service/dont upset the customer mode, even if that customer is normal and not some creepazoid that rings every alarm bell of every female on staff. *Actually, I was a lifeguard in another life. Its really helping me to figure out what to do (and Ive been debating this with myself for awhile now) and Im really grateful that so many people chose to respond. Its all too a single woman should be accompanied at all times when out in public 191o for me. has the world just gotten that much more creepy? I had my co-worker give him a note from me and he did call me up. But this objection, that there is no other way to meet people besides asking them out when they are WORKING, is pretty silly. NC for a month already, I dont think shes coming back. He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). I realize this situation is reversed, but when I was single if I was asked out at the center the answer was, Im sorry, thats not allowed. Also, you werent allowed to give out your contact information either. Hi. My substitute said he was in a suit and had drenched himself in cologne. Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? I dealt with this just as much in a secretarial position as I did in retail. Im not sure about women. Im in the school of thought that the fact OP is concerned about how it will be received probably means shes fine to move forward. Hopefully she will respond. This might be a Western European city, or an 'East' German village, who knows. I know you will, though, I believe questions related to love on this site are mostly looking for that one answer of "do what your heart tells you", but seriously - your best bet, really is to establish rapport in another way. Please dont hit on retail employees. Well, we have to also figure out if the customer service involves tipping or not. People always think theyll be the exception to this, but.ugh. If you do say anything, I suggest giving her an easy out, such as: "Would you like to get coffee after work, or do you have a policy against socializing with customers?". I got the message. Although again, sadly, he still might have a GF. The Craigslist Missed Connectios where I live seem to have a lot of men who want to connect with the women who cut their hair, probably because its a longer encounter and there is more chit chat. ;). Shed been going to the coffee shop for several months, and he was really friendly every time they talked, complimenting her on safe topics like her manicure, etc. Note that I am not recommending you ask her out, just suggesting a way of making it easier for her to say no without either of you losing face. The thing is that you seem to be looking at this as though these two people are meeting as equals, but theyre not. Asking while she is serving you as an employee violates empowered because she is effectively cornered: she can't step away, she has to serve you. If i ever did (which i wont because im too shy, but shes the most beautiful thing ive ever seen) ask her out and she said no, i wouldnt have a problem at all i think women are allowed to decide things by themselves and shouldnt be pressured into saying yes or no. Oh sorry, I'm a little distracted, I'm trying to get in the zone. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women.. I would even say that depending on the size and style of the shop (i.e. Restarting your mission in Red Dead Redemption 2 is relatively simple, provided you know where to go. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. Ive seen you in here a lot and you seem like the type of person I would like to get to know in real life. I was actually a little traumatized by Alisons advice (although I do really appreciate that she replied and has provided a forum for others to respond) and the first couple of comments (this was much earlier today-I was shocked to see all of the responses that are here now and have just started going through them), so I stopped by a female friends shop today to ask her advice. Don't offer compliments, rather, try to just be friendly. That said, if the OP is a woman interested in a man, her odds of him going psychotic on her are a lot lower than in the reverse, so she might have better luck. Asking someone out should never sound like a mere business transaction; this could put off anyone from accepting your invitation! Meaning; talking to her each time you go shopping, exchanging some humor and eventually get to know her name. And Says shes tired? Here are some tips on how to ask a cashier out: Take the time to start a conversation. How to ask someone you see regularly out on a date, without making it awkward? On my first day of teaching ever. Casually go her way, drop something or try to create a natural interaction, then start conversation. +1000 I work in customer service, it is so awkward to get asked out at work. I don't like asking people out at their workplace, it's her job to be there, I don't want to make it awkward. I've asked her out but she says shes not ready. Something short and simple and easy for both of you. and in that case, don't answer in a way that creates the expectation. There's an implicit power imbalance between customer and employee. This is so uncomfortable to me. And I love cheese but dont have any from Spain. I got asked for my phone number all of the time. Im a male, nearly 30, and I have been going back and forth for weeks about somehow asking out this cashier at a grocery store I frequent. Im not saying these were nice guys who decided not to tip if you didnt take the bait, but I couldnt choose who sat in my section I just had to hope they were going to tip me. Write your number on a piece of paper, have it ready when you go to the store. Again, Browse other questions tagged, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. I loved the store and my job and loved that part of it was to talk about my interests with customers who shared those interests. Remember that she has to be somewhat friendly with you, don't force her to behave friendly against her will with someone she sees as a creep. But we can't comment more on that without knowing some specifics. I once asked a girl to explain what she meant, when what she actually wanted to say would have been perfectly clear if we had been in a bar. I work at Barnes and Noble, and I am shocked at how often I get hit on/asked out. I actually thought the OP might be a man. He was never angry or aggressive when we were together, just smothering and overstepping his boundaries. Agreed. A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. Idiot. I mean the problem is that it happens way more often than you think. We were both flattered though and it wasnt awkward. Apologies on behalf of the male half of the human race. I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. It may be true, but I strongly suspect its not, and its a consequence of anecdotal data, how a creepy experience is much more memorable than a dull normal day at work, and so on. Example: Did you hear, So-and-so is going to be performing at the (venue) on Thursday? and some comments like have you ever tried the _____? A boy can regenerate, so demons eat him for years. To obtain resin in Conan Exiles, players must collect its in-game nodes from the environment near trees and other plants. I didnt know there was a section in Craigslist like that. I think people should recognize the difference between hitting on someone (e.g. ..what country do you live in? Where I grew up (the UK) it is completely normal, typical and acceptable to engage in conversation with shopkeepers. She'll now believe I go there just to see her and while you can't be judged in court for this, she will think it's creepy, she'll then tell her co-workers and they'll start to subtly take a pick on you. I dont know about that there are people who will turn a refusal into a Giant Drama Explosion, sometimes to a frightening degree. And as others have mentioned, it's very easy to misinterpret her general customer service skill as "signals" of something else which she didn't intend. The customer could respond in a perfectly reasonable manner after being turned down, but the employee will still be extremely nervous about the exchange. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no Aaron/Erins unite! Show interest and respect, compliment the cashier, and then invite them out. I spent time on holidays (and shopping) in Germany, I am familiar with how retail in Germany, in large cities, works. Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. Get their attention by saying something like I was wondering if youd like to grab dinner sometime rather than Will you go out with me? Only he didnt stop asking me out. Each party is still evaluating the other.). I always wanted to date him and ask him out, but I never got the courage until a few years ago when I found out we were both single. When I was backpacking through europe as a solo woman traveler back at the age of 22, I never had an issue myself, but I encountered, in youth hostels, several men who had been mugged/robbed/etc., including one guy who had actually gone out drinking with locals and woke up the next morning in the hospital to discover that he had been drugged and all of his documentation and money was gone. These results are similar to where the pay gap stood in 2002, when Don't ask someone out while they are at work. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) That was hilarious. And Ive just finished my milk.. I ran into him one time outside of work and he talked to me most of the night while his girlfriend sat in the corner and pouted. I must be old fashioned too, how in the heck are people supposed to meet these days if you dont want to do so at bars or online? He came and then asked me on a date afterward. Then we had an interesting conversation about her other job (comic artist), and I left with her phone number. He got aggressive with her when he found out I wasnt there, demanding to know where I was and when Id be back. This seems like a bit of an overreaction to someone stating their opinion in a non-rude or abrasive manner. Can anyone help me? Remember where you are sexy flirty behaviour leads to confusion where he isnt sure if he understood, its so out of context. Alright so I used to work retail. It sounds to me like OP is being very conscientious about the situation. Im assuming that some places have policies about this sort of thing but have no idea about the policies at this store. Try to greet incoming customers within 30 seconds. It would be fun to run into you there. :). Back to this cashier girl. If she does just ask her if she'd ever consider having coffee with you. She said she knew me already and found it a little odd, but we always have a lot of eye contact and banter. This will make things even more uncomfortable/annoying for the employee and might even cause her to face a reprimand at work if her employer doesn't fully understand what happened. And if theres mutual chemistry, you can always get dinner/drinks/etc. There is nothing in OP's post to suggest for example that he lives in a large city where the cashier is expected to be little more than a machine element. RT @ChristineBrejc1: Witnessing Joel and I were checking out at CVS, and our cashier happened to be a nonbinary young female wearing a giant Baphomet Charm on her Or you could be lucky and run into her on a bus or somewhere else out of context. And then poof you have a friend, and can still visit the business. How can I check the time on my smartphone without looking self-important? She said yes, and since it was 5PM we shared a glance of understanding for a few seconds. Look, retail employees get hit on day in and day out. Just let them do their jobs. 3. Just be polite. I flirted and flirted with himI mean REALLY laid it on thick and I couldnt figure out why he wasnt responding. Arrange to run in to someone as they are leaving, but asking them out in their place of employment is frankly awful. I cant figure out a way to work cheese into this at all though, unfortunately :) I know what you mean about the manager thing: hes older and its one of those places where managers are expected to do everything that their employees do so I dont know if he is or not. This is not okay and very creepy. Like I said, Id be flattered, even if I was interested and it wouldnt be weird for me to see you again in the future. Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. I never watch the show. Although once I did meet a very nice young man who sneaked back in after his party had left to ask me for my phone number but promised that he would never sit in my section again if that embarrassed me or made me uncomfortable. Established relationships longer than 6 months posts should go to r/relationship_advice 15 years ago when I worked in retail customers asked me out all the time. This doesn't require breaking any of these rules, but it requires finesse. My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. WebIf a cashier asks out a customer, its easier for the customer to shop at another store or time. But at least you put the ball in her court but have not placed any demands. I generally agree that it is usually best not to ask people out at work. They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. Something like the Pareto Principle is definitely at play here 80% of creepy, inappropriate behavior comes from 20% of the population. If she does, give her your number and leave, if she doesn't just leave and act like nothing happened, you don' want her to look at you like a creep or something. Good day!". just ask her if she would be interested in going to lunch with you i'm sure she would be flattered!!. We laughed and decided best to keep things at friendly store chats. Its not only retail I was once asked out repeatedly by the older brother of one of my students! If you like cheese fries maybe you should stop by, Oh, I didnt even think about the maybe you should stop by, and thats great. There is also the fact that their job hinges on them being nice to everyone- also a power issue. I worked in a large grocery store chain that prides itself on premier customer service. I wonder if anyone has ever gathered real data on this? By the way, having this sort of opening is a big reason boys start rock bands. At the time, it didnt seem safe to tell a random stranger my sexual orientation- especially when my co-workers didnt even know (long story, that..). I would hate to tell you not to try, though. For example maybe she likes art and you can suggest to her going to an art gallery together. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. If you are really interested and you think this guy could be something really special then there is a gentle way to go about it. Additionally, try bringing up topics that have nothing do with romance; discussing something lighthearted may make things less intense and create a more relaxed atmosphere between both of you which could ultimately lead towards a positive outcome! Some were creepy. We go on vacation together, we spend holidays and new years together and so on. Hello, OP here. Some do. Make sure to be clear about your intentions and always make sure that the cashier is comfortable with what you are asking. It can be intimidating to ask someone out, especially if you dont feel confident in your own skin. The point to all of that is, it is possible to hit on/ask a retail worker out without being creepy. When I worked in the bookstore I stopped wearing my nametag (with the blessing of my awesome manager) entirely, because of all of the unwanted attention. Is it just me, or are libraries worse than other environments? And for what its worth, having been a barista and worked at Target, there really wasnt any appreciable difference between being asked out and being hit on. Again, not altruism: it's in our interest; the path to "why not?" Im hoping, for the employees sake, it didnt. If he says, Oh, I have to get home, maybe hes not so interested. If the cashier is interested in going out, its best to take things slow and get to know each other better before making any big decisions. Google Schrodingers rapist if you want the full scoop. ? pile. Thats a lot different from walking into a store and asking someone whos rung you up at the cash register three or four times to go to dinner with you. Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. WebAnswer (1 of 7): At the Drive thru window, this happened to me many a time & the one luxury I suppose was that they could just speed off in their car afterwards (or I could shut the window). (Only bc in my case they were thankfully never true creepers). Which then bums me out further. I was in my 20s and it was my last day at my summer job, so I wouldnt have seen him again, at least not for an entire school year, provided hed still be doing retail the following year.
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